Nine months of carrying a baby that I did not know I was having until 18 weeks into my pregnancy, I ended up blessing a couple who could not have children with a beautiful baby girl, or as most people would refer to it, as putting her up for adoption.

My first reaction when the doctor informed me of my pregnancy was why this had to happen to me. "How will my mother react?," was another question that came across my mind.

After accepting the fact that I was pregnant and realizing that there was no way out and I just had to deal with it, I had to develop a plan on how I was going to handle the situation. An abortion was not an option that I considered because it was against what I believed in. In my mind I knew that I was not ready for a baby emotionally, mentally, nor financially. Not being financially stable meant that I had to choose government assistance, also known as welfare, and I did not want to be a statistic of African American women depending on the government to take care of them and their children. Being on welfare would create a chance of limiting my child from attending college. Knowing there was a possibility of her not being able to pursue a decent education, I decided to research other alternatives.

The alternative that I chose from my research was adoption. I made the choice that would best benefit me and my child. I chose a local agency. Not having much time until the baby was due, I had to speed up the process that birthparents had to go through with their agency. Once I understood all the paper work, I then had to choose a family.

After looking through the profiles I chose a Caucasian couple from another state that could not have children. A telephone conference with the adoptive parents that I had chosen was scheduled. While speaking with them, I was not comfortable because their reaction to the news seem as if they were not overjoyed. During the conversation the husband did not allow the wife to answer many questions. That concerned me because I would not want my child to grow up in a family where she could not think for herself as I thought the husband was preventing his wife from doing. Another problem that I encountered was with some of their responses to my questions. When asking about their religious background and African American association their answers consisted of them not having an established religion and not having association with any African Americans. Those two questions were important to me because I wanted a couple with an established Christian Background and have at least a couple of African Americans that they were associated with. When realizing that they did not have the qualities that I wanted in adoptive parents for my child, I was then back at square one.

My mother then found an attorney that deals with adoptions, and we scheduled an appointment to examine profiles of couples wanting to adopt. While looking through these profiles, I instantly connected with one couple’s picture. Opening it up and reading about them I felt in my heart that they were the right couple. Still not making them my final decision, I looked through a couple others but always went back to the original couple’s picture that I felt at ease with. I finally made my decision that they were the parents that I wanted for my daughter. With them being my final decision, I inquired my mother’s opinion on how she felt about them. My mother agreed with me that she felt an instant connection with their profile as well. So once my decision was final, the attorney called all the necessary people to get in contact with John and Mary, the couple I chose. Within 30 minutes they were on the phone sounding as if they heard the greatest news of their lives. When trying to speak with them on the phone they both were speechless and very emotional.

Once they were relaxed, my mother and I engaged in questions that we felt were important to us. For instance, we asked them about their religious background and found out they were active in their religion, which was a plus because we wanted a couple who practiced their beliefs regularly. Some of the other questions we asked were about their college plans for her and social lives with African American couples or couples who may have adopted African American children. Their responses were perfect; an early college fund would be started as soon as she was born and they have both African American friends and are friends with other Caucasians who have adopted African American children. Once the hour conversation ended I felt more comfortable with them and was ready to meet them in person.

After having baby Cynthia late Wednesday night; the next morning I was greeted by John and Mary with great big hugs. That day we sat around learning more about each other and establishing a connection between us and the baby. The next day was the day of my discharge and the signing of termination of my parental rights. On this day all my emotions ruptured. The whole day I spent with my daughter telling her how much I loved her and wanted the best for her. During this time, I made it clear that I felt that adoption would be the best for the both of us. I also told her that her adoptive parents were grateful and loved her just as much as I did.

Around 5:00 p.m. was when I planned to make one of the biggest decisions of my life. Everyone involved in witnessing the adoption entered my room one by one. One of the first things they did once they were in the room was set up a video camera which was done for my protection and then explained to me what was going to happen. The attorney would first read the Affidavit of Relinquishment of Parental Rights and Consent for Adoption by Birthmother and Waiver and while doing I would have the opportunity to ask any questions and to make sure all the information in the document was true to my knowledge. And once she was done I would make the final decision to sign my rights away as the parent or choose to parent.

After reading the nine page document, it was then my turn to make the decision. When signing the document there were so many thoughts that went on in my head, "Will she hate me? Will I want her back?" With all these thoughts, I still decided to be strong because I knew it was the right thing to do. Before I completed my last name, I stopped to think one last time about what I was doing. At this point in time I still felt that adoption was the best. After signing my last name my rights were forever terminated.

Before leaving the hospital, John, Mary and Cynthia joined me in the room so I could say my final Good-byes. During this time the couple was telling me how much they appreciate, admire, and respect me for choosing them to raise my daughter and how they are going to always tell her about me as well as teach her about her African American background. Once the gathering was over I placed Cynthia in their arms and ensured that they were going to be great parents.

Going through this process, an unknown author of "A Child's Story" felt the same way that I did about adoption. She knew that she was not ready for a baby and recognized that there was someone else who was. Adoption also took a lot of strength from her as well as it did for me. Being in this position the mother has to be strong and confident with her decisions. And both the author and I were definite with the choice that we were making.

In the end, the most important fact is that I did not allow my selfishness to get in the way of doing the right thing. I could have thought about myself and had an abortion, killing an innocent child, but I chose life.

In the beginning of the adoption process, I wanted African American parents for my child but when looking through different couple’s profiles I learn I had to look past race. Experiencing this event has changed my mind about interracial adoptions for the simple fact that it is not about what is on the outside of a person but what is on the inside. I learn that a Caucasian couple could love and care for my child unconditionally just as an African American couple could.

This is a memory that can not be forgotten because I brought life into the world and that is something that I took for granted before. This has taught me how to be thankful for all the small things because I could have been in a position where I could not conceive children and, even though it was a mistake, a great thing came out of it: me blessing a couple who could not have children.

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